Chubby Hubby and another's hubby

The last week has been full of some really bizarre revelations about attraction. Here's yesterday:

I have the day off. I go visit my H&M boy, hit the chiropractor, get coffee, walk around Michigan Ave for a while, stop in Brooks Brothers to pick up a shirt, hit Neiman's, Bloomies, and Nordstrom. Elbow through queens at Topman and pick up a new tie. Get more coffee. Stop in to visit my shoe guy. Get more coffee. And I do all of this wearing a cute outfit, well groomed hair, yadda yadda. I mean there were more eligible gays at Topman alone than Sidetrack on a saturday night. I shoulda been getting checked out more than a library book. But no, not even a nibble on my line. So I go home, shower throw on a pair of sweat pants from Target and an XRT tee shirt I nabbed from a lost and found bin in the laundry room and complete the look with a baseball cap that says OCEAN CITY NJ. Then, after laundry and dishes I decide to run down to 7-11 to grab some ice cream, which I intended on making a night out of.

In the two seconds I walk out my door and across the street I meet a handsome older Ed Harris type who tells my I'm the most attractive man he's met in a long time and asks me out to dinner. I almost dropped my Chubby Hubby.

"Let me get this straight," I said, picking cat hair off of my tee shirt, "you want to take me out to dinner?"

"Yes."

"Right now, dressed like a real housewife of the trailer park."

"Yes."

"And you're going to buy me food, drinks, and tell me I'm good looking."

"Yes."

"And afterwards, I don't have to put out?"

"If that's what you want." After he says this I start looking around and crane my neck out. "What are you looking for?"

"A pizza place, that's the only place I can get into looking like this."

And so, we go out to dinner, have great conversation, he even lets me order pepperoni and jalepeno and then pretends to like it, watches me stuff my face and drink two beers, walks me home and gives me his card to call him.

Now, the fine print is he's recently separated from his wife because of obvious gay tendencies, traveling on business, and too old for me but still. I got a free hot meal and two hours of being doted on plus nice conversation and company and I got to do it all in sweatpants (which is basically the uniform of deep-dish pizza places).

Now don't get me wrong, as excited as I am to get all this attention for dressing like a schlub I'm not gonna hang up the Brooks Brothers just yet. Because I don't put on cute outfits and dress up to get attention from other people. I do it because it makes me feel good about myself and I like the way I look and feel in tailored clothing. But, I will say the experience did make me rethink all of those guys wearing baseball caps in their Match.com profile pictures. Maybe they're on to something.