In restaurants if someone tells you that their dinner was just okay it usually means they're not very happy with it. Even if there wasn't anything particularly wrong with the food, something about it just didn't stir them the right way. It didn't excite them. It didn't justify the price tag. People eat okay food all the time, they make okay food at home all the time. However, the act of going out to eat is supposed to be a departure from just okay, it's supposed to be a break from the metronome of frozen meals that make up our workweeks. If a customer says their food was okay and do the ever recognizable patron pout (that slight pursing of the lips intended to let me know they want something for free) I'm most likely bringing them another meal or if they don't want to wait I'm just going to have to take it off their bill. So, if in matters of food 'just okay' just won't do, then why do we settle for okay in other areas of our lives?
Most people are in okay shape. They're not unhealthy but they float through life with a so-so BMI and refuse to give up fried foods. It wouldn't take much for these people to be in shape but they way they look and feel is good enough for them. Maybe there is something to be said about just being okay with how you are and not wanting to be better, it must be a lot less stressful. I'm sure people like that don't have the neurotic issues I have about body image. And conversely, these people must have okay hobbies, okay careers and okay relationships to go with their okay health. They live the okay life. I say okay but what I really seem to talking about is mediocrity. Middle of the middle class suburban middle american living at it most uneventful.
The rest of us are not so laissez faire about the world. We agonize over gossip and other people's doings. We have the normal unhealthy body image developed from years of comparing ourselves to others. We are restless in relationships constantly looking for someone to better satisfy us. We work ourselves half to death to get ahead in our careers. We worry about any and everything, even things that don't even pertain to our life, like which celebrity's vagina appeared on a red carpet and which person wore flip flops to the office.
Maybe, we're the people at eat out too much. From an early age we've been trained to never accept okay. But is our better than okay life any better than the flatline of okay living? Would it be better to meander through life without ever having your finger near the pulse?
And especially in relationships, are we supposed to settle for "good enough" guy? Good enough guy is another archetype of relationship I've categorized over the years. This is the guy that doesn't have the bells and whistles of your most exciting relationships. He's the mini-van of men. He's reliable and maybe a little dull but they kind of guy you'd want a family with. He's not the best at anything really but he's great in a lit of ways. He's fun in bed, easy to talk to and be around, generous, kind. He's usually not exactly what you were looking for and you don't have any sparks flying but you feel comfortable. He's home cooking, but you favorite kind of home cooking. He's not the sweep you off your feet guy, but he's good enough for you.
I used to be wary about this guy because it felt like giving up. It felt like finally accepting that I'm not good enough or worthy of the guy I really want so I might as well stop expecting that guy and stick with what I can get. Now it's at this point the philosophy splits. Some will say always hold out and wait for the person of your dreams because you deserve them. And thats an okay philosophy if you want to be single in your forties with nothing to show for it but a series of failed one month relationships because you were holding out for the one. Then the other philosophy is a form of serial monogamy, jumping from one relationship to another, learning a little bit each time but never really figuring yourself out alone because you've always been with someone. Both philosophies are flawed and unfulfilling. I am definitely of the latter though.
I think the whole wait for something better causes you to miss out on some great stuff. Some of the best moments of my life I had because I settled in some way and was in a relationship with someone who wasn't everything I wanted. I spent three years with someone I wasn't very compatible with and despite all the fighting and bickering if I could go back and do it again I wouldn't change a thing, they were some of the best and worst years of my life. But I had some incredible experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. And yes, when I look back over all the courses of the relationship, some were good, some were bad, and some were just okay. If I look at individual moments I might say that was a bad meal. But If I look at the relationship as a whole it was a blast, and I'm happy I did it.
And if you ask those diners, the ones that got an appetizer or dessert that was just okay, if you ask them now what they thought of the meal as a whole, they're probably say it was great-- they had a fun time with friends, ate some tasty food, had fabulous cocktails. We never regret those meals, even if part of it was just okay.
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