Trials

In this capitalist republic, we learn quickly that nothing in life is free or we lose all of our money to telemarketers and internet scams. So, often, we turn to the seductively labeled free samples, or worse, free trial periods. After all, we try everything on before we buy it, why not try out things like cars, cable providers, and quick weight loss cleanses. However, has all of this sampling of this and that, and testing the waters culture turned the dating tide pool into a tidal wave of rejection? Is dating turning into the new try before you buy?

A popular ad campaign warned users to phone first, call the store before schlepping all the way across town to find out if what you're looking for is in stock. But didn't shopping used to be simple. You didn't go to the store looking for a brand or a style. You just needed a blue sweater or black pants. Now, I need the Prada double monk wingtips, or the Balmain Python trim tuxedo jacket. And the blue sweater is Saint James and the black pants are Dior. We can no longer buy just a vacuum cleaner, no, now it must be a multi surface bagless gyrating Dyson hovercraft with four hundred attachments that all suck dust through a tube.

This pickiness is largely based in the fact that we are a consumer society. We are trained to be shrewd shoppers. And the frugal will settle for anything that meets their basic criteria, and the elitist are rewarded with Napa leather and thousand thread count sheets. But, now it would see that the selective process for singles is almost agonizingly improbable. Getting a first date is about as difficult as getting on American Idol, and nowhere near as rewarding. You'll be lucky to find a guy that doesn't want to go halfsies on the bill and tell you not to get attached because he's moving to New York soon.

We interrupt this programming to point out how pathetic it is to move to New York for the first time in your forties with no job and no apartment lined up. The starry eyed wonder of youth no longer applies, living like a pauper is just about as attractive as carrot cut jeans.

And now, the selection process has so many steps to get through, it's as if our inside label is being scanned for any sign of weakness or synthetic fabric. Sure they want to know your age height and weight, but now we've also got to disclose our income bracket, neighborhood, pets owned, marriage history, 

And if we manage to connect in the cyberspace world of emotional spam filters there's no guarantee we'll let any of our firewalls down long enough to fall in love. I mean a few months ago I wrote about a guy I thought was perfect. After two dates I let him spend the night, gave him a toothbrush head and lent him some clothes (clothes!) to wear to work the next day. Did I need to lend him my favorite Brooks Brothers tie? No. But there was something sexy about tying it for him. And how was I supposed to know he'd turn out to by a psychopath and I'd never see my clothes again.

Now, a mans lucky if I even want to share a cab with him after the first date. And if he should ever be lucky enough to spend the night I'm not giving him so much as his own pillow--he can share one with Gucci-cat.so maybe it's not so much the consumerism that's made us picky shoppers when it comes to men, maybe it's just too many trial and errors and test run relationships gone horribly wrong.

But when a consumer good goes horribly wrong they can issue a recall for that product. For relationships there's no such safeguard. If, after the trial period, a man is deemed unfit for dating do we get our money back or were all the feelings felt simply wasted on the gamble of romance? And if love is such a crapshoot why is it always packaged and advertised as something better? I think someone ought to report all of the dating sites to the better business bureau because there's been some serious false advertising when it comes to romance. And I'd like my money back.