Anatomy of a coffee date.

Lets discuss coffee dates. I would like to add the coffee date to my growing encyclopedia of annoyances (volume 1), right in between walks through the park and McDonalds in the bad date idea section.

Coffee Date [kaw-fee deyt]:
noun

1. A platonic gesture shared between two or more friends interested in catching up and talking about harmless neutral topics. Slightly more intimate than lunch at a Thai food restaurant, but not as casual as grabbing a cocktail.

2. A bad date idea invented in the nineties during an influx and uprising of commercial coffee shops. This idea was invented by men who were going on too many dates and had to cut back on the average cost per date. Men who go on coffee dates usually look like this:

This idea of pre-screening potential partners on a virtual date simulation over cappuccinos is intended to mirror a romantic evening out without actually committing to a two hour meal or two hundred dollar bill at the end. Generally denotes that a man is either:

a. Dating far too many people
b. Unsure of whether or not you (implied date) are a worthy companion
c. Is exceedingly frugal
d. Works at a coffee shop

Any of these traits almost immediately disqualifies a man from being datable. However, a man who requests a coffee date can be dealt with in the following way. First we need to eliminate variables in the equation to determine whether or not this man is a scumbag and unworthy of a date. Is this a timing issue? This can be discerned by simply postponing the date,

"Why don't we do it another day when you have time to grab dinner or a cocktail (note that asking someone out for cocktails is usually as expensive as a dinner out so it's not to be lumped in the same category as coffee date)?"

If he is a decent man this will send a clear enough message to him that dinner or drinks is an acceptable first date. However if he declines to reschedule as a dinner (i.e. lets grab coffee before I go to work, lets grab lunch [lunch date is another bag of worms, if thats the case this one's DNR]) then you simply need to figure out if he is a, b, c, d, or a combination from the list above.

Ask to reschedule the time to Friday or Saturday night when you have "the most free time." If both of those nights are unavailable he is dating too many people and is trying to fold you into the mix. If he agrees, but insists on Saturday evening coffee ask him to meet you at an expensive hotel restaurant that has "the most amazing cappuccinos and biscotti you've ever had." Both the Peninsula and Four Seasons are great choices and you'll be able to sneak in a dessert too. If he backs off from that option it means he is just cheap and not interested in impressing you. At this point you're best saying that you don't know if you'll be available and you can get back to him.

I've found that the best way to deal with any guy that is behaving badly is to just cancel a plan or be unavailable for a week. If they don't reach out to you to set up another date after that then they should be filed away in the file of lost causes. And if you really liked the guy have no fear, because in six months he will send you another message out of the blue asking if you want to get coffee.