I have a saying about the kitchen: you burn yourself once, and you'll never do it again. People never burn themselves on the same plate twice. The same goes for relationships. A smart person will get their heart broken once and it'll never happen again. It has, of course, only happened to me once. And now that it's been broken I can't help but wonder if I've lost something in the dating process. It feels a lot different now than it did 5 years ago. I think it's because each time I go on a date I get a little smarter and a little less emotional. And although I'd rather make decisions with my brain than with any other organ in my body I can't help but wonder if at a certain age, after a certain number of breakups, are relationships more about thinking than feeling?
And from thinking without feeling to feeling without thinking I was having a spiritual moment at Nordstrom with a pea green Thom Browne blazer. Cutting through Nordstrom has become my most logical route home from work, taking me "the scenic" path, only two or three blocks out of the way back to my condo from the restaurant. I'm a Nordstrom boy at heart. Even though Barney's has better clothes and Saks has better sales you just can't beat Nordstom, in all areas except for the sales people. Although friendly, they are some of the most aggressive pushy salespeople in the city. It's like going shopping with my grandmother trailing behind offering commentary and trying to nudge me into buying something I don't want or need.
I'm am going to break it down for you in a very battle of the sexes way. The difference between male and female salespeople:
1. Greeting
Male: "Good afternoon, is there anything I can help you with?"
Female: "Hi, I'm Delores, do you need help with anything, what are you looking for today, can I get another size for you or anything just let me know if you need anything okay, my name's Delores!"
2. Selection
Male: "Try the Magnanni shoes instead, they are much more comfortable than the Cole Haan."
Female: "I love that, I know it fits like a burlap sack and it looks horrible on you but it costs more than the other one so clearly it must be better right? Also my boyfriend has one and it looks so good on him. My boyfriend also has that shirt over there, see it? You should dress like my boyfriend. Did I tell you I have a boyfriend?"
3. Sizing
Male: "That jacket is very trim, I'd recommend going a size up."
Female: "We're out of the small, medium, and large, but I think an XL would look good on you."
4. Description
Male: "This peak lapel is a little more formal, but it follows after the London influence."
Female: "Neon is so now and of the moment. And plaids. My boyfriend wears a lot of plaids."
5. Resume
Male: "Men's Warehouse, Bloomingdales suit dept., Neiman Marcus men's furnishings"
Female: "Filene's Basement, Victoria's Secret, Crate and Barrel kitchen furnishings"
6. Checkout
Male: "Here is my business card, feel free to call if you have any merchandise questions."
Female: "Here is my business card, and I wrote my boyfriend's blog on there too which is great, it's like pictures of food that he eats all over the place, and I also wrote my cell on there if you like wanna get coffee or something and if you ever want any clothes just come in and I'll hook you up. Okay, hugsies!"
Joking aside, I find it incredibly inappropriate when women are working in the men's clothing department. It sounds like a double standard but there are some key differences in how women shop that makes them an unreliable source when it comes to men's clothing. For example: women shop for occasions--a specific outfit with an event in mind. Men shop for their wardrobe--this article of clothing will be worn several times and several different ways with a handful of other things they have in the closet already. Also, despite what you may think men's clothes are far more expensive than women's. Case in point:
The female outfit:
Dress, $150.00
Total cost of an outfit to wear to dinner: $150.00
The male outfit:
Shirt, $80.00. Tie, $60.00 Blazer, $200.00. Jeans, $150.00.
Total cost of an outfit to wear to dinner: $490.00
It stands to reason that the best and brightest sales representatives would be where the clothing is all around more expensive. But no, Carly the bubbly 20-something is there with a tape measure draped around her neck with what I can only assume is an ironic affectation. So where are all the talented sales people in Nordstrom? Here is the ranking of where the most talented people go:
1. Women's shoes
2. Women's purses
3. Dress department
4. Women's casual
5. Perfume & Cologne
6. The kids department
7. The pets department
8. The cafe
9. The men's department
It is the common belief that men do not enjoy shopping. I have another theory about this. The experience of shopping is made so uncomfortable, annoying, expensive, and often fruitless for men that they resent it. I mean imagine you're a guy. You see a really cool blazer on another guy on the train and you want that blazer. You go to Nordstrom to see if they have it. A female sales associate doesn't know the difference between lapels, pocket types or which designers are better fitted to which builds. A blazer is a blazer is a blazer. Instead of finding what you want she puts a $1200 Givenchy blazer on you. It's not what you want. You say you want around the 2-300 dollar range. She comes back with a Diesel blazer that has zippers on it. You tell her you want something you can actually wear to work. She comes back with an ill-fitted plain navy Nordstrom brand blazer. You vow never to go shopping again.
In relationships, over time we develop tastes and aversions. Men have an aversion to overly emotional clingy people. But they often have a taste for outgoing, laid back people with a good sense of humor. They are easy to train. Does it feel good to them? They have a taste for it. Does it feel bad? They have an aversion. And when it comes to shopping isn't it just, in some way an extension of all our other relationships? In my case tedious, unfulfilling and way too expensive.
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